Let's Talk Grief

It's been a while since I've written here. That will be changing. I have felt a deep stirring that somehow these words will resonate with the right person, at the right time.

For those of you who know and those of you who don't, I lost my cousin Jamie Malinowski to COVID-19 before there were vaccines. She died in the first wave. I have been struggling with whether I should "own" my grief or if I should repress it as I've been taught and told to.

I was asked "why are YOU grieving?" As if I had never been touched by Jamie's presence. My last instant message was most likely the last one she read. It said to dream of all of the colors she loved so much--magentas and purples. She was an artist. A trained graphic designer. And we thought she had recovered. She came out of the hospital, we rejoiced, and then she left us. I messaged her all day long and my other cousin took nights. She was never without either one of us. Her last words to me were "stay safe." I was going to the grocery store. We had a good chat, but to stay safe--I had to go super early and get there before it got crowded. She went into a coma that day. How could I not grieve? I couldn't go to the funeral. Only my poem and magic went.

It's been four years January 7, 2022, since my grandmother died. I write in a scroll for major events. At her funeral, friends and family wrote notes in it. I see them as I write, and it makes me feel like I have a family. A lot of people believe grief should be over. It's been long enough. But there is never a long enough. There is never a too soon. There never a "never." Greive the way you need to grieve. I binge watched Scorpion the first year after my grandmother died. It was my salvation.

Why do we need to grieve? Because we need to TALK about it. Grieving isn't just about dead people! We can't lock it inside! It's about dead dreams! It's about change--good or bad or scary. It's about losing love or even worrying about losing love. Did I make the right choice? Is a form of grief. We leave something behind with every decision we make. We must grieve that part of ourselves as we move on.

Be blessed. Sing your dead to the stars. Put your dead dreams in a trunk so that you can pull out the memories of. Maybe in a few years or days they will fit you and you will fit them again. Never stop dreaming--even when the world is hanging on you and you feel like the turtle carrying the world. Thank you for carrying that burden for me. I needed to have a free day. I will be the turtle tomorrow. You can take a break.

Picture by AlexGraphex

We can do this together. We can heal. Trauma, lost love, change, death--we will hold fast and be our authentic selves and believe in ourselves.

Dream like never before. Live like the stars will shatter like glass tomorrow. Stay safe.